oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
