I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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