Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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