I was born with a shot glass in my hand
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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