Having a random hookup so left but love u
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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