too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
