sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
