I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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