Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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