K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
