It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
