Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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