duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
