weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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