good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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