Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
