would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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