I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
