My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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