used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
