She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
