I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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