I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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