problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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