Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
