Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
