did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
