well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize