is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
it glows. i had to have it.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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