Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We smell like vodka and hangover
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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