I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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