I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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