His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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