I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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