yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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