my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
