I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
