I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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