i jhust puked up my retainher.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
