i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
