I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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