I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
