Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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