dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
