If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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