It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
