I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
