dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
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