He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
