i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
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