Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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