yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
