It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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