True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Terrible idea I love it
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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